World’s Finest

One of the biggest surprises in last year’s World Series was the importance of Eric Bruntlett. He hit .333 in the World Series, going 2 for 6 at the plate, scored 3 runs, scored the winning runs in games 3 and 5, and even hit a homer in game 2! He was abysmal at the plate in the regular season and really in the playoffs in general before that, but something changed in the World Series and he was actually an okay player!  Kind of!  But does he deserve a chance to repeat this feat as a member of the Phillies postseason roster?

As I’ve stated time and time again Beardo is a worthless regular season pinch hitter and an adequate at best fielder. But at the same time, you can’t deny this simple fact: The only Philadelphia team to win a championship since 1983 had Eric Bruntlett on the roster. Somehow Bruntlett positively contributed to it.

Is Bruntlett a clutch playoff performer? I doubt it. Is he magic? Possibly, he certainly looks like a dwarf with that beard of his.  Are we relying on a magic beard to deliver us another World Series title?  I can’t trust that.

The good news is that we’re not going to see much of Bruntlett in the postseason. His outfield role has been severely limited due to the acquisition of Ben Francisco.  Unless something horrible happens we won’t be seeing him in the infield.  How much can it hurt to have him on the postseason roster?  Well do you want to see Bruntlett starting if that something horrible does happen in the form of Jimmy Rollins or Chase Utley going down?  I don’t think so.

The only other option is Miguel Cairo, who I would certainly feel more comfortable with.  Sure he spent most of the year in the minors, but that’s because he doesn’t do Charlie Manuel’s laundry like the Bearded Wonder does!  Hell, I’d feel more comfortable with the pig from Green Acres playing there instead of Eric Bruntlett, so Cairo’s an upgrade over that.  But can Cairo capture the magic contained in Bruntlett?  Can he replicate that stumbling run to home plate from World Series Game 3?

Solution: Put a fake beard on Miguel Cairo.  Can’t go wrong.

When the Spotlight’s On…

The Phillies closer situation is very much in limbo right now. If the Phillies have a 3 run lead or less going into their defensive half of the 9th inning, its anyone’s guess as to who is going to be coming into the game. Four nights ago it was Brad Lidge, but once he loaded the bases Uncle Cholly did the unthinkable and pulled Lidge out. He brought in Ryan “Mad Dog” Madson and the following night, he went to Madson as well.

After the game Charlie hinted to his “Closer by committee” theory, and that he didn’t care who it was in the role as long as they got the win. However, this theory can’t stand if the Phillies want any chance at winning the World Series again.

Last year’s playoff success was due to that amazing bullpen and that each person had a role and succeeded in their role. If the starters struggled is wasn’t that big of a deal. No starter needed to go longer than 6 innings because Romero, Madson, and Lidge each pitched awesomely. The Phillies were able to “shorten the game.” Basically the opposition had 6 innings to take the lead and hold it or they were in for a loss. It was no wonder the Phillies only lost 3 games in the whole 2008 playoffs. But if they want to be back- to-back World Fucking Champions, they are going to have to figure out this closer thing once and for all.

Now, my name is Tommy Weida. I have been a Philadelphia Phillies fans for all of my 23 years of existance. I have sat through closers like Mitch Williams, Heathcliff Slocumb, and Jose Mesa. (Side bar story: I once had Heathcliff Slocumb’s autograph. My dad took me to get it when he came to the area. I loved that thing. I had little baseball display case for it and everything. Then, like 2 weeks after I got it, I must have left it on my bed before going to school in the morning and my dog, Tigger, chewed the ball up. The autograph was ruined. I guess I own the smartest dog in the world. Okay, back to the blog).

I was excited when the Phillies got Billy Wagner and I saw his first save as a Phillie live. He hit 99 mph twice in a row. His 3rd pitch only went 98. This cool old guy in front of me turned around and said, “he must have thrown the change-up.” I was not quite as excited when the Phillies got Lidge, but he quickly proved me wrong.

So what’s my proposed solution to the closer situation? Well let me tell you:

This is MY ideal playoff set up. A four man rotation of Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels, J.A. Happ, and right now its a toss up between Martinez and Blanton. As of this moment, I would go with Martinez, but I feel really uncomfortable writing off Blanton, a man I have could argue should have won the 2008 World Series MVP. So whoever loses out will join Moyer, Condrey, Durbin, Park, Eyre, Romero, Madson, Myers and Lidge in the bullpen. I wrote that list in no particular order so don’t think I did.

Moyer, Condrey, Durbin, Park and the loser of the Blanton/Martinez battle will be the mop up guys. you know, the guys that come in the game when down or up by 5 or more runs. If the starter goes 6 innings and the pressure is on in a close game, I’d go with J.C. Romero in the 7th. He held that role last year and did a great job at it. In the 8th I would go with the pairing of Madson/Lidge. They would be used based on matchups with whoever was coming up to bat.

So if you have been keeping track, I have left out two guys. I’m gonna start with Scott Eyre. He hold a very crucial position in the bullpen; left-handed specialist. He’s there to get those tough left handed batters out. He’s earned that position and can be used pretty much anywhere between the 7th and 8th inning.

So now there is one guy left that I haven’t mentioned; Brett Myers. Yes folks, he is my choice for closer. If there is anyone in that bullpen that is only fueled by adrenaline, it’s Brett Myers. no one will get more energy from the spotlight. He’s done it before, and he’s succeeded. Is his hip good enough? Come October, that won’t matter. It won’t effect him once the spotlight is on. Kind of like the old lady lifting the car.

I love Lidge, and thank him for everything he did for us last year, but its clear to see that he just doesn’t have it this year. It is just like it happened to him in Houston, only this time he didn’t give up a monster home run to Pujols. I still feel he can greatly help this team, just so long as he’s not the last line of defense.

So this is how I feel about the closer role. I’m not sure if this is how it will shake up, but one thing I do know is that Charlie needs to set up for the post season and ditch the “closer by committee” theory. It was great to see Uncle Cholly prove he has balls when he pulled Lidge the other night. Now he needs to go one step further and finalize a bullpen without Lidge as the closer.

Closing Time

There’s been a lot of talk about replacing Brad Lidge in the closer role for the Phils in recent weeks (Max has written about this extensively).  Well it’s time that I put my two cents due to my importance in the world.  Thus far this season we have endured Bizarro Lidge.  He’s blown 10 saves and looks a lot like the pre-2008 model the Astros traded away for a Phillies grab bag.  His confidence is clearly shaken, resulting in flat sliders across the middle of the plate.  But if the Phils don’t have Brad Lidge close games then who will?  Chan Ho Park?  More like Chan Ho Narc! (EDITOR’S NOTE: We realize that made no sense whatsoever, but Steve said he couldn’t think of any other insult that rhymed with Park) Ryan Madson?  No way, that guy needs to be out of the stadium by 10 pm because he has more important things to do.  Brett Myers? That drunken lunatic? Yeah right! While we’re at it why doesn’t he just wear a wife beater for a jersey and have a beer instead of a glove!?!?!?!

There is only one clear solution for closer: the Phillie Phanatic.

That's an intimidating sight on the mound!

First of all, the Phanatic has the right attitude to be a closer. You often hear about how closers have to be fearless.  The Phanatic fears no one, not even the terrifying Tommy Lasorda! You aren’t going to freak him out.  If anything, he’s going to freak the opponent out.  Between his absurd green form and his classic taunts there’s no way anyone can stay in the box and face the Phanatic in the 9th.  I’d like to see Albert Pujols try and intidimate the Phanatic.  All he’d end up with is a strikeout, a smashed helmet, and his head rubbed with a towel (naturally the Phanatic would be allowed strikeout celebrations).

The Phanatic also has spunk, pizzaz, clout, and other important sounding words associated with him.  The greatest thing the Phanatic brings with him to the closer role is the unwavering support of the Philadelphia sports fan.  I can’t think of anything the Phillie Phanatic could do to get booed.  That goes a long way in this city.

Now you might be wondering if the Phanatic can even throw the ball, let alone be a closer.  I will be the first to admit, his huge green form might be detrimental to the art of pitching. Well my inside sources have informed me that Jamie Moyer’s been spending time training the Phanatic for this very role.  If there’s anyone who can teach an odd creature rumored to be from Galapagos Islands how to be a successful major league pitcher after having been around for over 30 years it’s Grampy Moyer.

Yes, the Phillie Phanatic may not have been your first, second, or even twenty fifth choice to fill the closer position for Brad Lidge.  But you’ve got to admit the Phanatic’s got flair, style, and his own mode of transportation out to the mound.  Plus, he’s got to be better than:

– Billy Wagner

– Antonio Alfonseca (who might be a cousin of the Phanatic considering their resemblance)

– Jose “Joe Table” Mesa

– Eric Bruntlett

So don’t go with young and still has potential for the closer role or experienced and will probably work out great in it.  Go with your heart.  Go with the Phanatic.

The Fire Eric Bruntlett Fantasy Football League

You may remember a couple weeks ago, when I announced my new position for Digital Sports Daily as their Fantasy Sports Editor. Well, I decided to let all of you readers try to prove yourselves against me. Can you beat the “Fantasy Expert” at fantasy football? The audition process to get into the league is very simple. All you have to do is e-mail us at fireericbruntlett [at] gmail [dot] com with your best fantasy football team name involving the Phillies. (Hint, hint: We really like team names that make fun of Beardo.) Also, my team name will be Beardo’s Weirdos. So, don’t try any of that stuff on us.

Good luck!