Fire Eric Bruntlett

There's only one Bruntober

Beardcap 8-20-09

What did Beardo do?

Bruntlett went 0-1 popping up with 2 men on base when he pinch hit for 2nd baseman Chase Utley in the 7th inning. This lowered his average to .128 for the season.

Did the Phils lose? Was it Bruntlett’s fault?

The Phils whooped the Arizona Diamondbacks 12-3. The only reason Bruntlett even played is because the Phillies were up by 9 runs. He promptly popped up upon entering the game, stranding 2 runners and continuing his futility. On a positive note, he didn’t have any errors, so that’s something. Unfortunately he’s still Eric Bruntlett at the end of the day.

Bruntlett Fact (s)

In the offseason Eric Bruntlett’s beard is used as a wildlife reserve.

Bruntlett has not had an RBI since July 6th.


August 21, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , | Leave a comment

Beardcap 8-12-09

What Did Beardo Do:

To lead off the top of the 8th inning, he lined out to second, because in the home half of the 7th, he cam in as a “defensive” substitution. He also showed his defensive prowess in the 9th inning, when he misplayed a ball and let it skip away from him, eventually allowing two runs to score. Take a look at the screen grabs below.




Had the ball been played correctly, it could potentially been a game-ending double play, or at worst, the second out, and likely, the final would have been 12-3. But that’s what you get with Beardo!

Did the Phils lose? Was it Bruntlett’s fault?

This is actually our first Beardcap in which the Phils won, which is weird, because it seems like Bruntlett uses each appearance to ruin the game for the Fightins. In any case, had the Phils lost, but Weirdo Beardo still lined out and committed the error, there’s no doubt in my mind the loss could’ve blamed entirely on him.

Bruntlett Fact:

The only reason Charlie used Brunt in the first place was because he felt bad for his friend, Cubs manager Lou Piniella, that the Phils were beating up his pitching staff so badly. (You can totally see them going out for beers and yelling at umps together, right?) So, Cholly put Bruntlett in to help Chicago’s pitching get an easy out and score a couple runs back to give the offense a confidence boost.

August 13, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Phillies and Beardo Link Dump

It’s not often that Eric Bruntlett comes up in the news. He’s in contention for worst player in Major League Baseball, so unless he actually plays, there’s not much of a reason for him to be brought up. That is, unless you’re trying to insult him. Take this quote from Phillies beat writer and Inquirer columnist Andy Martino: “One advantage of acquiring Francisco is the team no longer needs to rely on Eric Bruntlett as a primary righthanded pinch-hitter.” Thank God we don’t! Another game with Beardo as our primary right-handed bat off the bench, and I think we’d all shoot ourselves! But Andy’s point would’ve been perfectly clear had he stopped there, but no. He went on. “Despite his unimpressive offensive numbers, Bruntlett is a rare and valuable commodity on defense because he can play every position and is the only backup shortstop on the roster. Now that the Phils have Francisco, they do not have to worry as much about asking Bruntlett to perform in a role unsuited to his skill set.” Let me quote David Foley from Phinally Philly: “First of all, “unimpressive” does not even begin to describe how God-awful he’s been at the plate this season. I’m fairly certain YOU could hit .133 with a .202 OBP… Eric Bruntlett’s VORP is -9.6, the worst out of the entire Phillies roster (including THE PITCHERS!) Hell, even Paul Bako hurts the Phils (-4.4) at the plate less than Bruntlett!” David went much more in depth as to how awful Bruntlett has been, with fancy sabermetrics and whatschmacallits, but that’s the gist of it. [Phinally Philly]

The 5th Starter Conundrum is an interesting one here in Philly, one that we hope to get more into tomorrow, in our attempt to actually talk about the Phillies, instead of just how much we hate Eric Bruntlett every post. Balls, Sticks, and Stuff explains why Moyer can not, and will not, go to the bullpen. And I would have to agree, but I’ll try to get more into it tomorrow. [Balls, Sticks, & Stuff]

Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins are no longer just stars on the baseball diamond. Now, they are also stars in a Funny or Die “Baseball Fantasy Camp” video. [The Fightins]

File this one under “We need to talk about this more tomorrow,” too. I’m sure you heard about the tragedy that was the 22-year-old man beaten to death outside of McFadden’s, the bar at Citizens Bank Park. I’m also sure that you have heard some irresponsible journalists how this only hurts the reputation of us Philadelphia sports fans. And I’m sure that you were disgusted by those pieces of “journalism,” if you can even call it that. Enrico from The700Level did a great job of taking to task the author of one of the most infuriating such posts for what he wrote. And he’s not even a real journalist. He’s a tour guide “who has written 15 works of fiction.” Well, he can add another with that piece. The kicker? And this is a quote straight from the article: “I have never set foot in the Wachovia Center. I have never set foot in Lincoln Financial Field, and I have never set foot in Citizens Park [sic].” Yes. He wrote that entire piece for a highly respected newspaper based on what other people told him. Deadspin also did a good job of keeping blame off Philadelphia, in particular, saying that it was the type of thing that could’ve happened anywhere, and, in fact, already has. [The 700 Level]

Two more quick things to try to wrap this up: Big thanks to everyone who came to our live blog for the Phils game on Thursday afternoon. Those in attendance included your 3 fearless leaders, myself, Steve, and Tommy, as well as Kevin from Macho Row, Mike from Mike on the Phils, and Phillies-blog commenter and new Tweeter Swift. We plan to do another live blog for next week’s afternoon game in Chicago.

Last, but most certainly not least, Bill Baer from Crashburn Alley interviewed each of us about Bruntlett. The answers were a lot of fun to come up with, they were a lot of fun to read after, and I’m sure they’ll be a lot of fun for you to read, too. If you were to click one link in this entire post, I’d suggest it be that one. Definitely make sure you read it.

Have anything to say about any of the links? Don’t be afraid to leave it in the comments!

August 7, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

My turn to explain…

Dear Eric Bruntlett:

What’s it like to be you? While your sitting on the bench, do you really hope that maybe you’ll get into the game? I got a hand it to ya, the other night you hit a nice double. But honestly, you make 800,000 dollars a year. When you get home after a game in which you pinch hit and strike out, do you feel deserving?

To put this in perspective, if you worked at McDonald’s, someone would order a chicken salad and you would give them napkins and a cup. Maybe one lucky day you might give them some croutons, but they will never get the full salad. I mean, I don’t know how they let you put the uniform on. You are batting .133. How are you only batting .133? You strike out twice as many times as you get a hit. That’s worse than Ryan Howard.

I mean, I never thought I’d say this, but knowing you’re on the team makes me miss Ricky Ledee. Remember him? Maybe other Phillies fans do. He hit .238 while he was on the team. He had 121 hits in 2003 with the Phillies, you haven’t had many hits the whole time you’ve been here.

Everytime McCarthy and Sarge/Wheels start talking about a pitcher been pinch hit for I fear that you are gonna get into the game. Seeing you last season in the playoffs was fun. Your beard was epic in October. But it can no longer cover your bad baseball ability.

As the others said, I really have no problem with you as a person, but as a baseball player, you suck. So I hope everytime you get home at night and look at yourself in the mirror and comb your beard you realize that you are robbing the Phillies of $800,000. Sleep well Eric.


August 3, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

This is Why We Hate You

This is for me to explain the site. Steve already explained himself. I also don’t have a problem with Bruntlett personally.

He’s probably nice to his mother. I’m sure he doesn’t hit his wife. I could probably guarantee that he’s good with his kids.

But none of that matters now. Because when the guys go out there, we don’t really care about his personal life. We only care about one thing from our athletes, no matter what sport: that they go out there and produce to get us to the playoffs, and maybe even win us a championship.

Bruntlett has done one of those two things for us: he has helped us win the World Series. You may remember when, in the World Series, he homered in Game 2, and scored the game-winning runs in Games 3 and 5. Or you may not. Like me, you may blocked all good things Beardo has done from your memory. I needed Wikipedia to remind of the few good things he’s done as a Phillie.

Look for some fun stuff here at Fire Eric Bruntlett, as we get deeper in. For example, “Eric Bruntlett Facts.” They’re like the Chuck Norris or Cole Hamels Facts, except the exact opposite. An example of an Eric Bruntlett Fact might be, “Eric Bruntlett is so bad, he can’t hit or slug his weight.” Also, we may do, “Players We Hate Slightly Less Than Eric Bruntlett.” If Eric Bruntlett is the epitome of hated in Philadelphia, who else in baseball history have we almost felt the same way about? These players will be separated into three categories: “Other Phillies,” “Mets,” and “Everyone Else.”

The only reason I can possibly come up with as to why the Phils keep Beardo around is because they’re paying him $800,000 this season. No, wait. That would be a good excuse if we were the Marlins. I honestly have no idea whatsoever.

And remember Bruntlett, this is nothing personal. We’re pretty sure that you’re a good guy. You’re just an awful baseball player.

August 2, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , | 2 Comments