Fire Eric Bruntlett

There's only one Bruntober

Mission Accomplished

Beardo Postcard

The wise and mighty Charlie Manuel has made the decision to put Miguel Cairo on the postseason roster and leave Eric Bruntlett at home to cry in his beard.  Now we know that Old Beardo’s not a bad guy and had some luck in the last postseason, but this was absolutely the right call by Charlie.  It’s been a long season full of a couple ups and a ton of downs for Eric Bruntlett.  His season highlights include the first game of the season, in which he went 1 for 1 and after which he was batting 1.000 and the famous unassisted triple play, which almost destroyed this blog.  Of course Bruntlett set himself up for that triple play…but every dog has its day and we’ll certainly let this one savor that day, especially because it was against the Mets.  Bruntlett might have some other season highlights that I can in no way recall, but you can view them here if you’re interested.

Now onto the bad.  Let’s look at Bruntlett’s final numbers:

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October 7, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , | 3 Comments

Weekend at Beardo’s

I had good fortune to get to attend two of the last 4 regular season Phillies games.  I did not however have the good fortune to see a game that mattered and thus had to suffer through not one, but TWO starts by Eric Bruntlett.

Beardo's in the cards for the day!

Beardo's in the cards for the day!

I of course was horrified to find this out considering I hate Beardo almost as much as I hate reality television. (Steve’s hate: Beardo < Reality TV < New York Mets)  The only bright side of this would be that I’d more or less get to do a live Beardcap (and I am fully aware I have not done a Beardcap in a while).  These starts were actually very important for Bruntlett as the Phillies are still in the process of choosing their postseason roster.

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October 5, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Beardcap 8-25-09

What did Beardo do?

Bruntlett pinch hit for starting pitcher Joe Blanton in the 7th inning. He went 1 for 1 with a double raising his average to .167 (right on your doorstep Bako, watch out!). Another solid showing from Beardo somehow.

Did the Phils lose? Was it Bruntlett’s fault?

The Phils lost to the lowly Pittsburgh Pirates 6-4. The loss can in no way be pinned to the bearded one, but one can try. Certainly one could blame Bruntlett for ONLY hitting a double and not a home run. Come on Beardo, you know we need to give Brad Lidge a 3-4 run lead to save the game! Get in the game!

Bruntlett Fact

Eric Bruntlett has actually been confirmed to be a baby Big Foot.

August 26, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , | 3 Comments

Beardcap 8-20-09

What did Beardo do?

Bruntlett went 0-1 popping up with 2 men on base when he pinch hit for 2nd baseman Chase Utley in the 7th inning. This lowered his average to .128 for the season.

Did the Phils lose? Was it Bruntlett’s fault?

The Phils whooped the Arizona Diamondbacks 12-3. The only reason Bruntlett even played is because the Phillies were up by 9 runs. He promptly popped up upon entering the game, stranding 2 runners and continuing his futility. On a positive note, he didn’t have any errors, so that’s something. Unfortunately he’s still Eric Bruntlett at the end of the day.

Bruntlett Fact (s)

In the offseason Eric Bruntlett’s beard is used as a wildlife reserve.

Bruntlett has not had an RBI since July 6th.

August 21, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , | Leave a comment

Beardcap 8-18-09

What did Beardo do?

Bruntlett stood on deck to pinch hit for starter Pedro Martinez after the rain delay ended in the bottom of the 3rd inning, but had to sit down disappointed when Pedro Feliz was tagged out at home plate on Carlos Ruiz’s RBI single.  In short, Beardo took some practice swings, sighed, and sat back down.

Did the Phils lose?  Was it Bruntlett’s fault?

The Phils beat the Arizona Diamondbacks 5-1!  They kept the lead due to an incredible relief performance by Jamie Moyer (6 innings pitched, 2 hits, 0 earned runs).  Moyer would also go 2 for 3 at the plate, bringing his average to .152 for the year.  If the .129 hitting Bruntlett had pinch hit, it would have thrown Jamie Moyer off and the Phils would have lost by 10 runs.  Guaranteed*! (thanks to @allthingsphilly for the BA tip on Twitter)

Bruntlett Fact:

Pedro Feliz intentionally ran home knowing he would get tagged out just so Bruntlett wouldn’t get to bat.  Pete Happy made a noble sacrifice for the greater good.

*Guarantee is no way legally binding as Estebomb is a raging psychopath.

August 18, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Beardcap 8-12-09

What Did Beardo Do:

To lead off the top of the 8th inning, he lined out to second, because in the home half of the 7th, he cam in as a “defensive” substitution. He also showed his defensive prowess in the 9th inning, when he misplayed a ball and let it skip away from him, eventually allowing two runs to score. Take a look at the screen grabs below.




Had the ball been played correctly, it could potentially been a game-ending double play, or at worst, the second out, and likely, the final would have been 12-3. But that’s what you get with Beardo!

Did the Phils lose? Was it Bruntlett’s fault?

This is actually our first Beardcap in which the Phils won, which is weird, because it seems like Bruntlett uses each appearance to ruin the game for the Fightins. In any case, had the Phils lost, but Weirdo Beardo still lined out and committed the error, there’s no doubt in my mind the loss could’ve blamed entirely on him.

Bruntlett Fact:

The only reason Charlie used Brunt in the first place was because he felt bad for his friend, Cubs manager Lou Piniella, that the Phils were beating up his pitching staff so badly. (You can totally see them going out for beers and yelling at umps together, right?) So, Cholly put Bruntlett in to help Chicago’s pitching get an easy out and score a couple runs back to give the offense a confidence boost.

August 13, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Phillies and Beardo Link Dump

It’s not often that Eric Bruntlett comes up in the news. He’s in contention for worst player in Major League Baseball, so unless he actually plays, there’s not much of a reason for him to be brought up. That is, unless you’re trying to insult him. Take this quote from Phillies beat writer and Inquirer columnist Andy Martino: “One advantage of acquiring Francisco is the team no longer needs to rely on Eric Bruntlett as a primary righthanded pinch-hitter.” Thank God we don’t! Another game with Beardo as our primary right-handed bat off the bench, and I think we’d all shoot ourselves! But Andy’s point would’ve been perfectly clear had he stopped there, but no. He went on. “Despite his unimpressive offensive numbers, Bruntlett is a rare and valuable commodity on defense because he can play every position and is the only backup shortstop on the roster. Now that the Phils have Francisco, they do not have to worry as much about asking Bruntlett to perform in a role unsuited to his skill set.” Let me quote David Foley from Phinally Philly: “First of all, “unimpressive” does not even begin to describe how God-awful he’s been at the plate this season. I’m fairly certain YOU could hit .133 with a .202 OBP… Eric Bruntlett’s VORP is -9.6, the worst out of the entire Phillies roster (including THE PITCHERS!) Hell, even Paul Bako hurts the Phils (-4.4) at the plate less than Bruntlett!” David went much more in depth as to how awful Bruntlett has been, with fancy sabermetrics and whatschmacallits, but that’s the gist of it. [Phinally Philly]

The 5th Starter Conundrum is an interesting one here in Philly, one that we hope to get more into tomorrow, in our attempt to actually talk about the Phillies, instead of just how much we hate Eric Bruntlett every post. Balls, Sticks, and Stuff explains why Moyer can not, and will not, go to the bullpen. And I would have to agree, but I’ll try to get more into it tomorrow. [Balls, Sticks, & Stuff]

Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins are no longer just stars on the baseball diamond. Now, they are also stars in a Funny or Die “Baseball Fantasy Camp” video. [The Fightins]

File this one under “We need to talk about this more tomorrow,” too. I’m sure you heard about the tragedy that was the 22-year-old man beaten to death outside of McFadden’s, the bar at Citizens Bank Park. I’m also sure that you have heard some irresponsible journalists how this only hurts the reputation of us Philadelphia sports fans. And I’m sure that you were disgusted by those pieces of “journalism,” if you can even call it that. Enrico from The700Level did a great job of taking to task the author of one of the most infuriating such posts for what he wrote. And he’s not even a real journalist. He’s a tour guide “who has written 15 works of fiction.” Well, he can add another with that piece. The kicker? And this is a quote straight from the article: “I have never set foot in the Wachovia Center. I have never set foot in Lincoln Financial Field, and I have never set foot in Citizens Park [sic].” Yes. He wrote that entire piece for a highly respected newspaper based on what other people told him. Deadspin also did a good job of keeping blame off Philadelphia, in particular, saying that it was the type of thing that could’ve happened anywhere, and, in fact, already has. [The 700 Level]

Two more quick things to try to wrap this up: Big thanks to everyone who came to our live blog for the Phils game on Thursday afternoon. Those in attendance included your 3 fearless leaders, myself, Steve, and Tommy, as well as Kevin from Macho Row, Mike from Mike on the Phils, and Phillies-blog commenter and new Tweeter Swift. We plan to do another live blog for next week’s afternoon game in Chicago.

Last, but most certainly not least, Bill Baer from Crashburn Alley interviewed each of us about Bruntlett. The answers were a lot of fun to come up with, they were a lot of fun to read after, and I’m sure they’ll be a lot of fun for you to read, too. If you were to click one link in this entire post, I’d suggest it be that one. Definitely make sure you read it.

Have anything to say about any of the links? Don’t be afraid to leave it in the comments!

August 7, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

This is Why We Hate You

This is for me to explain the site. Steve already explained himself. I also don’t have a problem with Bruntlett personally.

He’s probably nice to his mother. I’m sure he doesn’t hit his wife. I could probably guarantee that he’s good with his kids.

But none of that matters now. Because when the guys go out there, we don’t really care about his personal life. We only care about one thing from our athletes, no matter what sport: that they go out there and produce to get us to the playoffs, and maybe even win us a championship.

Bruntlett has done one of those two things for us: he has helped us win the World Series. You may remember when, in the World Series, he homered in Game 2, and scored the game-winning runs in Games 3 and 5. Or you may not. Like me, you may blocked all good things Beardo has done from your memory. I needed Wikipedia to remind of the few good things he’s done as a Phillie.

Look for some fun stuff here at Fire Eric Bruntlett, as we get deeper in. For example, “Eric Bruntlett Facts.” They’re like the Chuck Norris or Cole Hamels Facts, except the exact opposite. An example of an Eric Bruntlett Fact might be, “Eric Bruntlett is so bad, he can’t hit or slug his weight.” Also, we may do, “Players We Hate Slightly Less Than Eric Bruntlett.” If Eric Bruntlett is the epitome of hated in Philadelphia, who else in baseball history have we almost felt the same way about? These players will be separated into three categories: “Other Phillies,” “Mets,” and “Everyone Else.”

The only reason I can possibly come up with as to why the Phils keep Beardo around is because they’re paying him $800,000 this season. No, wait. That would be a good excuse if we were the Marlins. I honestly have no idea whatsoever.

And remember Bruntlett, this is nothing personal. We’re pretty sure that you’re a good guy. You’re just an awful baseball player.

August 2, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , | 2 Comments